Empty Booth on Career Day

Having an honest moment with myself tonight.  Shannon and I had a strange conversation, one that I'm certain she didn't expect, but in it came a statement that if I can hold onto, will keep me from the depths.

What do I want to do with my life?

It's a question that plagues mankind, we're here for at best, almost a century, yet many of us have no idea what we are going to do for it.  For the first part of it, we want to be big, we want to grow and learn and play.  For the lucky ones, that never ends.

In truth, only a few ever stop.

Sure, we all like to believe we're unique in our childlike wonder of the world, that we are the only ones who still wonder about magic.  It's just not true.  Grown adults wouldn't care about fireworks if we lost childhood wonder.  Big bright colors in the sky.  Books about sex and adventure.  Fandoms that span nations.

The average adult still believes in magic, and that's good.  Because children are fucking stupid.

Children believe in magic, and stop asking, they're content to just accept "it happened" as a reasonable explanation.  Adults want to know how you knew that was my damn card, asshole.

That, is wonder.  Wonder isn't "MAGIC WAS REAL GUYS!"  Wonder is... well, wondering.

Unfortunately, somewhere between childhood and death, someone demands of us that we decide what we want to do with our lives. As if we know until we've tried everything.  It's like asking someone what food was the best they'll ever eat.  They can't answer that if they ever plan on eating again.

But, I digress, fantastically so.  What do I want to do with my life?  It's simple really;

I want to hit things with swords, and write books.

There we go, just point me to that Career Day booth and I'll be on my way.  That may seem sarcastic, but it's honestly not.  I just want to hit things with swords; I want to fight enemies and run screaming into people.  It's what I find fun.  I don't find football fun, or playing card games.  I like hitting things with swords.

I don't like playing farming games, or most shooting games.  I like hitting things with swords in games.  Throwing magic is cool... but... I've got this perfectly good sword here....

I also want to write books about things.  Sometimes even books that don't involve hitting things with swords.  It happens, honestly.  I like sitting down and dreaming up stories, and I write them down because if I don't, my mind gets very loud and I start talking to myself out loud about things.

That's not a joke, talking to myself while pacing the house for two hours happens to me on the not-so-rare occasion.

So, you know what I do?  I hit things with swords, which on occasion leads to me teaching people how to also hit things with swords.  So that I can fulfill my selfish desire to hit more people with swords.  The more people I train, the more people there are to hit with my sword.  Win for me.

I also write my stories, and publish them when I'm able (you can read them, here.  I don't put that much effort into publishing... I should, but publishing I've found was not what I wanted to do.  I wanted to write them, and read them to myself.  Publishing is just something I do when I find I like the story enough to share.  Like a really good pizza; you just want to give a friend a slice.

So, this is my life's plan: to hit things with swords and write books.  I'll probably work jobs, I don't particularly care which as long as they don't interfere with my sword hitting or book writing.  It's my life's goal and it's what I'm getting ever closer to be doing more of.

My dream, is to one day not require a job, because of a combination of sword fighting and book writing.  Seriously, that would be the dream.

So I'm going to do that.  I know people say "you can never catch your dreams, because dreams are unattainable," but I once dreamed as a child that I lost my teddy bear.  He was dead and all I could say was "no one lives forever".  I know, I was a dark child.  My brother was in that dream as was his friend.

Months later, my house was damaged in a construction accident, and my teddy bear was destroyed and I never saw him, or the shoebox bed with the Batman pillow and blanket I made him, ever again.  When my brother told me that my bear was gone I told him "no one lives forever."

So, yeah, that dream happened, guess this one can too.