Yonder bitches, they are most assuredly excriment.

Having seen the travesty that is Facebook grammar, I've had to explain grammar too many times, and had the reply be "we dont need grammer," or the best "no1 cares i wont eva no it so y tri"

If you cringed at those words, you cringe with the rest of us. I've tried to point out that without grammar, you lose context, and with out context things don't make sense. Or they do, but it's not the sense you meant.

Like the ever popular phrase; bitches ain't shit. If you think about it, it's a phrase fully depending on context. If the previous line is "bitches are amazing!" It is basically saying "Oh ho, my good man, these bitches are in fact, nothing of the sort! Quite the different, they are not even on par with droppings." Or something of the sort.

But, were you to say "These bitches be shit," why, it's a stalwart statement in defense of those poor women.

We all know the funny statements that mislead because of a lack of grammar, usually somehow proclaiming their fondness for sodomy. I don't make the unseen laws of the internet, but I'm held to them like the rest of you.

It's hot.

I've always wondered why people need to point out the obvious.

Do we do it out of a need to belong?

Do we really think someone may have not noticed it?

Is it our way of expressing interest/discomfort without whining?

Are we idiots?

The first question, I came to the answer of: probably. We like to know that we're not the only ones who are effected by something. If it's hot, we like knowing that someone else is hot as well. Instead of asking them, we think it nicer to make a statement, and see if they agree or challenge.
I've heard that down south, saying "it's hot out" is usually met with an immediate challenge of "what you can't stand/don't like it here?"

As for the second question, I've always figured it's a way to make a generalized statement, that is pretty much easy to agree with. When we've run out of things to say, stating the obvious keeps our mouths working, or else are brains kick in.

Saying "it's too hot" can be taken as whining, and up here, we tend to hate whiners. There's an old saying here "if you don't like the weather in New Hampshire, wait a minute, it will change" and while it's funny, they made fun of it saying "If you don't like the weather in New Hampshire, go back where you came from."

I've always thought the second one was closer to our actual thoughts.

All in all, I'm far too hot to do anything right now but eat chips and watch Doctor Who.

The Tales of High Adventure...

Conan. Seriously, Grammar? I hope you're listening, because between "Conan." and "I am." Conan is the more perfect statement.

God man... Conan, seriously hero of my childhood, adulthood, and pretty much every hood I've had. The wild barbarian, brilliant tactician, thief, pirate, and probably a fine cook, Conan has literally been the inspiration for more novels, characters, and ideas than anything I'll ever write.

Note: Doesn't mean I'm not going to try to surpass it.

I even based one of my own characters off him; Rose, a character who's fighting style shifts freely from "clever, subtle and sneaky" to "hit me until you're tired, bitch"... that might actually end up being a line for her. Both were unhandsome, blunt and honest characters, making decisions based on intellect and not ego and the need to further the plot.

I love Conan, I loved the movie as well.

Note: I'd say movies... but well... Destroyer? Meh...

So, a new movie on Conan? A remake? I promise to the world I will do my very, very best to not come off as a fanboy, or let nostalgia cloud my vision when I go see this.

By the way, here's the plan: I'm going to see it at Chunky's, so I can have a beer and meat, because there's no better way to see Conan than at a long feasting table, with pilfered car seats, shouting along with him. I may go in a loincloth, not sure yet.

A STAPLE (in the scrotum) OF MANLINESS.

I, being twenty-four, have yet to do something that nearly all men do, or have done, by my age. I never really thought about it, but tonight it sort of dawned on me.

I've never had a beer with my dad.

When I was about seventeen/eighteen, my mother emerged as an alcoholic, and for the years after, I completely gave up alcohol. Only on the rarest of occations, such as special events or my twenty-first, would I imbibe. I told the world I was being strong and supportive... but in truth, I was scared.

I remember my mother as one of the strongest people in the world, part of the reason I enjoy strong female characters, to see something break her, terrified me. So, under the guise of helping, I swore off drinking.

In the recent years, I'd come to realize that fear, and since then have come to enjoy a drink now and then. I still hate being drunk, but I always have. Bad stomach, doesn't play well with excess. So, on nights I will pour myself a drink into my Medieval Manor tall glass, and have a sit, sipping away on my beer and watching something. Tonight is Doctor Who.

Now, before I ramble off again, know that my mother is at around three years sober, a good achievement I'm proud of her for.

But, I've never sat down in a bar, next to my dad, and had a beer. We've never played pool, loser paying for the drinks. I'm married, a responsible adult looking towards life as a long road I ride down, and I've yet to start off in that way.

My brother was the one to take me out on my twenty-first, bought me drinks, played pool with me, explained about bar fights. I don't even like bars, but I listened.

I suppose I'll have to ask my father to go sometime, me, him, my brother, all of us. The Hart boys off to the bar, for possibly the first and last time. We're Irish, we might end up singing, but that's a risk we'll just have to take.

So... I think it's officially time to cut back on the "blockbuster" movies... we're past them as a people.

Some of our best movies are not these massive, money grabbing multi-genre flicks that offer nothing more than the mental equivalent of a Big Mac, tons of processed meat, fake flavoring, and enough salt (titties) to kill a horse. I watched two movies yesterday, Black Swan, and Drive Angry, (I seriously think Redbox thought I was dicking with it) both of which were A: not blockbusters, and B: fucking amazing.

Black Swan was a exquisite, twisted mind fuck that never, ever, intended to let you in as a confidant. You were an outsider for the whole movie, just a voyeuristic viewer, here to see the show. It was beautifully done.

Drive Angry was an action flick that knew why you were watching it, you wanted to see Nick Cage kill people with demonic... stuff. To hell with a "plot" tits and guns, and someone being set on fire.

Then, after you sit down ready to watch this freak show... somewhere along the line it whips a plot out of nowhere, showcases a truly strong female character who exhibits NONE of the Hollywood tripe we're usually forced to have. She'll fight anyone, fires first, looks for hot people to screw, and beats the hell out of the main villain. She's what Hollywood usually only allows a male actor to be: useful. Then, a symbolic plot rears it's head, even going as far as to use the "Lucifer is merely a Warden of Hell, not some evil being" theory, without sounding like a tool. It all works well.

These two movies, not blockbusters, didn't make ten billion opening weekend, yet should be must sees for people. In all this grabbing for money, paying actors so much they could get together and fill the national debt in a year. Hell I'd give them a hell of a tax break if they did. We've basically lost what made movies good.

Those people who say "But, maybe I don't want every movie to 'be' about something, sometimes I just want a distraction." That's akin to saying "not everything I eat needs to be 'healthy', sometimes I just want food."

Diabetes and obesity are near epidemics in this country, the former being over 60%. And if you need to see the morbidly obese, go to Wal-Mart. As for how this metaphor moves to movies... just watch Jersey Shore and see if you can tell me that "we don't need no education" with a straight face.

We should save the blockbusters for stories that deserve it, ones that already bridge huge gaps without needing to be whitewashed for "maximum appeal". True epics like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, hell, even Twilight, as much as I hate it, it -had- a massive following before the movies. I can hate it all I want, and I -can- and -will- talk smack, because I can. But, I will not deny that people liked it for all the right reasons: They enjoyed it, they read the series, they made informed opinions about it.

If they're going to do that, they deserve to like it. We still get to make fun of them, that's part of being American, but you still have to allow them to like it... and get their damn movies.