Stab you with a granola bar...

If you were unfortunate enough as myself to grow up being fit and healthy, you've likely come across this weird form of hatred: Fat people will make your life a living hell.

It's odd, not so much the fact that they will go out of their way to make you feel like less of a person (<-- pun), but that the ways they go about it are just damn hilariously bad. You'd think they'd be better at insults...

"Metabolism": This has always been a favorite of mine, to assume that it's not the fact that I run, or never eat at McDonald's as to why I'm not 200lbs, but Divine Providence that I, should be thin. Here's how my metabolism works: I eat, until I'm rather not hungry, then I stop. If I've eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner... I don't eat another meal late at night. I'll wait till morning. Sure, I've been told it's depriving myself of simple pleasures in life... but I also like being able to jump high.

"Breaking me": I've never given the "What The Fuck" face as hard as when a large girl has turned to me and pronounced "I'd be afraid of breaking you." Insulting on two levels here; one, that by this point in the conversation, -this- is the reason that will determine whether or not we have sex. Two: that since I'm in good shape, -this- is your reasoning for why we're not going to have sex. This leads to the next one...

"I'm twice your size!" This one almost always comes from fat guys with beards. I don't know what it is about that particular combo, but it leads to this conversation, every damn time: "I could crush you in a fight man... you're tiny and I'm huge!" Yes, because my weight and size being a product of me spending my entire life training in martial arts, is completely eclipsed by you spending yours eating too much.

See, I have nothing against fat people, I really don't. I just have a problem with the ones that go out of their way to make -me- feel terrible for not being fat. I don't insult fat people, even though I'd be damn good at it. Honestly, I don't care if you were made fun of in high-school by skinny kids... I was made fun of in high-school by fat kids, only now you're an adult and it's considered wrong to tease you about your weight, but I'm still fair game.

Go anywhere on Facebook and you'll see it, hatred against people who aren't fat. I don't mean people who are deathly skinny, to the point where you can see the sockets for their bones, but if you can see the side of the bottom ribs (which by the way only is unseeable when the person's muscle mass has decreased to the point where it folds over that exact part), they're called "hideous."

How many saw those pictures where they show people who were called "Curvy" 30 years ago, against people who are considered "Skinny" now, and use it to insult the skinny ones? I didn't see Hepburn in that picture next to Monroe... I wonder why? She's probably a bad choice considering she was tiny.

I get this an awful lot, but not as much as girls. I -will- rage when I see women being treated like this. Too fat, too skinny, not good enough, there's a magical number that fits 3% of body types that's allowed to be "fine", it's the exact body type of a 16 year old. Wonderful, you're creating a culture where teenagers are the only acceptable body type for women, and for men it's fat, older men.

Some people may take offense at this, because they're fat. One will notice that I haven't used "big boned, husky, or big" to describe any of them. Because if I'm "skinny" "scrawny" or my absolute favorite from a man who couldn't make it up the stairs without a break to breathe "a pit chested stick boy", if I'm all that... you're fat.