You just made that up...

When you're a child, Adults are wingless gods here on earth to show you, the simpleminded knave, the true path to enlightenment. Your dads' job description is punching out Nazis and making pancakes for Batman. Your mother is at once a wisewoman and a damned shaman. She literally takes cans of things you can't even figure out how to open, and makes dinner out of them that's bigger than all the cans put together as one big "fuck you" to Science.

Your teachers are at once President and Budda, knowing everything and controlling your little life with a gesture of their hand.

A famous quote from the movie "The Crow", was "Childhood ends the day you know you're going to die." and that's true, you're no longer a child, the day you realize death for you isn't something so far away you can't even begin to believe it, but something just around the corner in the grand scheme of things. But after that, comes some really weird stuff.

Like the day you realize Adults are just phoning it in. Literally just making it up as they go along, hopping you won't notice that they don't actually have your nose, and the quarter was behind their fingers and not your ear.

If we all think back, just like fetishes and phobias, we can find the day it all started for us.
Mine's was in the second grade.

I was an early mental bloomer, reasoning and deductive skills were natural to me where math wasn't. This came to a head in the second grade, when we all were brought into another room to learn about dental health. As I held that tube of glittery toothpaste, I remember wondering "Wait a minute, they say -not- to eat glitter..." So, I asked the obvious doctor who had of course taken time out of his busy schedule of saving lives and using those paddly things George Clooney practically slept with, was it safe to swallow this stuff?

Not intentionally, mind you, but if I happen to swallow some while in use, would it be a problem? His answer: "Well... umm... you don't have teeth in your belly do you?"

Had I not been currently in a daze about what this meant, I'd of replied "Bitch, I'm eight not two, is this shit toxic?"

But I was far too busy having an epiphany, an adult didn't know the answer. Not just on a random subject, but on the exact subject he was supposed to be the expert on. This man just did some classic redirection and went on with his lesson. That day, I realized adults were not the gods I had worshiped in the past. Later I would learn to more effectively read the label on the toothpaste and learn for myself... which did little for my faith in that dentist/homeless guy the school paid to give the lesson.

To properly explain the feeling that left me with, I would go with relieved. TO know that in the future, I wouldn't be expected to literally be able to quote everything ever done, was a lot off my eight year old shoulders. I could get by in life by being mediocre, and since I had no plans to be anything but fantastic, well, life would be a better place.

That mans' unfortunate lack of improve skills may have helped shape my life.



On a side not, I managed to get through a whole thing on "glittery toothpaste" without a single Twilight semen joke!







Goddammit...